Chaos

I have been talking to friends recently, and my own Mum, and it would seem the general consensus is that this run up to Christmas, a time of happiness, joy, peace and celebration, is filled with lists of things to do, so many appointments we loose track, worry, stress, the need to get things done, and chaos!

My own deadlines are running out far too fast. And as each week goes by I am finding it more difficult to do what I can usually do. This is in large due to being thirty something weeks pregnant of course. But no logic will stop me bring frustrated.

The frustration leads to angst, and in turn tears. I seem to have hit that uncontrollable phase of over the top emotions. Probably not helped by the phase of insomnia, and the phase of sickness, and aches and so on and so forth. It is only the glorious feeling of baby moving and that bond we are already forming that is keeping my head well and truly above water.

There is so much to do though, and as each day passes I worry more that I have not done enough. This week coming is filled with appointments, along with my need to be at home and sort things out. I have until Friday. On Saturday the children go on a great adventure to stay with family, I shall be doing an eight hour rail journey.

We don’t have our Christmas tree up as yet, which is quite normal for us. However, I would like it up tomorrow. So the children can enjoy it before they go away. This alone is leading to all kinds of other jobs that need doing. Today has been no exception. After barely sleeping, and getting up at 5am, I went shopping at 9am, came home, resisted falling asleep and carried on regardless. I did too much, and now I am suffering for it. It’s the way it goes, it’s inevitable.

So why do we do these things? I have friends preparing their Christmas dinner three days in advance because it takes that long to do, I have a friend in the middle of decorating her son’s bedroom, at a time when she is also busy doing all kinds of other things, and trying to make the most out of the seasonal joys. My Mum, as usual busy as a busy thing. School cramming in Christmas activities, and all the while, time just keeps on moving. I’m in chaos, I wish it were easier, but nonetheless everything will gel and everything will be fine. I hope so.

Tomorrow, brings a visit from Mother to take rubbish to the tip, getting stuff out of the attic, hopefully getting the tree up, and generally getting things prepped up. Wish us luck.